"We're not the exception, we're the rule."

The above clip is from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You."  I think it's totally funny, and at times, I feel quite embarrassed for GiGi (the main character), and I can relate to some of the things she went through.  Sigh.  So glad I don't have to go through that awkwardness anymore.

If you haven't seen the movie, GiGi meets a guy who tells her the rule of dating and she shares it with her friends (the video above), and after some thinking there's is definitely an "exception" and "rule" in the adoption/infertility community.

Four years ago when Nic and I were starting the adoption process, people were very excited for us, but they also had a story to share.  "My brother and his wife adopted and then a year later she was pregnant" or "So and so were adopting and they found out they were pregnant and now their two children are just a a couple of months" or the one I recently saw on my friends FB page "a friend of ours 'couldn't' have babies either so her sister offered to carry their baby, it took and they were thrilled to finally be pregnant. . .six weeks later they find out she is pregnant! it was remarkable and to make it even crazier the day her sister went into labor she did too from the excitement so both babies same parents. . .two different wombs born the same day!" While these stories are great and wonderful.  They are the exception.  The rule would be be just because you adopt, or because you have a gestational carrier, or because you simply "stop stressing about it" does not mean you will become pregnant. The rule would be, it will happen when it's supposed to happen; and say what you want about "destiny", but I'm a firm believer that there is purpose in everything and things happen when they're supposed to happen.

People will still share their stories of their friend, and they're brother's wife's cousin, and whoever else in hopes of giving people hope, but I think sometimes it can create false hope-especially, if people have not found peace in their trial.  Yes, infertility and adoption are filled with so many ups and downs and the pains of loss come and go, but I really feel that if you're not at peace with the trial that is before you and your husband, you grasp at straws to find as much hope in the possibility as possible.  When someone, out of caring, shares these "exception" stories, it can make one think "it might happen. It just might happen," when truth be told it just might` NOT happen; which in turn leads to heart break.  I don't say that to burst anyone's bubble or to be a "Negative Nancy," I say it to be honest.  People who tell these stories, their intentions are good, but sometimes it does more harm than good.

When people would share their "exception" stories with me, I would just smile and nod and in the back of my mind think: Really dude?  I'm glad you're sharing, but the the likelihood that would really happen is pretty slim. Nic and I, we're the rule, and we're okay with that. We did not adopt in hopes of becoming pregnant. When we started the process of growing our family, we felt we needed to explore both IVF and adoption (at the same time).  A few months later, we felt adoption was how we needed to grow our family.  It took us three years to find our sweet birth mom and have G join our family. Adoption wasn't a "solution" to a problem.  Adoption wasn't a pit stop on our way to IVF.  Adoption was divinely guided into our lives (those who know our WHOLE story, know this.  For those who don't know, I will share later). We never once stopped thinking about becoming pregnant; even if the thought of pregnancy was just subconsciously there-it was still there.  And though we did hope that we would have children earlier in our marriage, we are so grateful for our sweet baby G and our other children that are yet to be.  We are grateful for the Lord's timing in things-though, truth be told his timing of IVF still has me scratching my head. . .haha.

In just seven days, our lives will begin a journey that can potentially change our family's life. SEVEN days-wow!