(This is part of a conversation I had with a friend I hadn't seen in a while-after telling her about our grand IVF adventure)
"Wow! That is way cool for you guys. Aren't you so excited to have a baby of your very own?!"
I could tell she was waiting for a response from me, but there was only silence. Truth be told, I just wasn't quite sure how to answer her question just yet.
Friend stumbles over her words "I mean, I know G is yours, but, I mean, you get to have a baby that comes from you."
"Nic and I are very excited for our sweet baby (or two) to come. For 6 years we never thought we would have biological children, we mourned that loss. Then we were matched with our birth mom and sweet G joined our family and immediately my heart knew she was ours. She is my very own."
Yes, baby girl is not "of my flesh" but she is of my heart and the heart of her daddy (whom she has wrapped around her little finger). When we first saw her we knew she was ours. When we first held her, we knew it even more. To love a child as "your very own" does not mean that they need to come from your flesh. You love a child as your very own because you give them your heart. Children have our hearts, G has ours. She had our hearts the first time we heard hers. She was real to us.
G made us parents. That is something that can't be taken away from her. SHE allowed us to begin a new chapter in our lives. SHE opened up a new part of our hearts that we didn't even knew existed.
I wasn't bothered by what my friend said. And it's not the first time someone has said something along those lines. One of the girls that I worked with asked how we would explain to our children that G is adopted and the others are not. Easy-it's THEIR birth story. Every birth story is different. We are teaching G about her birth mom. We show her pictures, tell G her birth story. We will do the same thing with our other children. Our family story is different, but oh so amazing. Just like G was an answer to many prayers, so is the next baby (or two-for reals, I keep thinkin' twins!) that joins our family. They each joined our family differently, but their birth story is equally as special. A friend said it best when she said we were creating a great story (of our family) one that is driven by faith and miracles.
G is our very own. Any other children that join our family, no matter how, are our very own.
i haven't quite figured out how to respond to people who mean well. they just say dumb things. i'm sure i've said many dumb things in my life! i don't ever look at my son and see differences. i just see my son. i see my baby whom i love and adore with all my heart! and it's true, no matter how they join your family, they are yours. Heavenly Father just has a very special story for them.
ReplyDeletemy new favorite is when people say, 'oh i knew so and so who adopted and then later were able to have a child or two of their own...or on their own'. bottom line, you never ever know what someone's personal story is.
i am very excited you get to take this adventure! regardless of the outcome, you have a beautiful family. your very own family!