When we went in for our first ultrasound we asked about our frozen embryos. Kim said she was surprised we hadn't heard anything (as we were supposed to find out one week after our transfer), but she explained that they actually just had an office meeting about these letters because it seemed to be a problem. She told me to get dressed and she would meet us with one of the technicians.
We were met outside by Kim and the head lab technician Bret. He handed me the letter and said "I'm sorry, I don't know why this was never sent. It's dated one week from your transfer date. Here you go." I read the letter. Our frozen embryos didn't survive.
I had anticipated this, but for some reason reading it made it real and I had to fight the tears as they swelled in my eyes. To me, they were our future children. Children that would help fill our home with laughter, joy, and so many memories. I think what also made this so devastating was the fact that if for some reason the pregnancy didn't make it to term, we would have to start the process all over. . .at FULL PRICE and that's $20k we don't have people. And even if the pregnancy did make it to full term, then we would still have to come up with an extra $20k to try for another pregnancy. This is where the sting of infertility comes back and bites me in the butt. You think you're okay and then BAM! Something sneaks up on you and reminds you of your painful reality.
In hindsight, finding out the remaining embryos didn't survive until after my pregnancy was confirmed, was probably the best. Knowing the statistics that Dr. Slater gave me the day of implantation, and knowing myself, I would have started playing the number game in my head, which in turn would have been more stress on me and my body and that wouldn't be good for the {possible} baby that was growing in my body.
Now, we continue to live on a hope and a prayer that everything will be well with this pregnancy.
No comments:
Post a Comment