Trying to schedule an appointment for our ultrasound was frustrating. Dr. Archibald's nurse told me the hospital was going to call me to schedule an appointment and after waiting four weeks, they never did. So, I took a chance and called to see if my dr's office had ANY openings. The Boise clinic didn't have any until March (!!!), so I asked her if she could check the Meridian clinic and she said they had one the following week and I told her I would take it (I've been dying to know boy or girl). Today was our appointment, and I'm excited to share with you the results, just not now-sorry you'll have to wait for that. I'm posting about our experience with our ultrasound tech. Her name is Holly and the first thing I noticed about her was her wonderful smile and this happiness that radiated from her. Now, you would think in health care that these professionals are always happy and smiley but that is not always the case. But today I especially appreciated her radiance.
As we were heading back Holly along with everyone else just kept saying how adorable and cute Little G is, and well let's face it, she totally is :) We get back and settle in the room and all questions begin: doctor's name, my date of birth, baby's date of arrival, and then "With your daughter was it a vaginal or c-section?" Nic and I answer at the same time "Neither." "Oh, so this is your first then?" "Yes." Then she got a big smile on her face and congratulated us. I then tell her that Little G joined our family through adoption, to which she quickly replied "me too."
She continued on with ultrasound and I kept debating over and over in my mind whether or not I should ask her about her adoption, I decide to go for it.
"So how old is your baby?"
"She's 14 years old."
"Oh wow. That's great. {Then the taboo question} Do you and your daughter have contact with her birth mom?"
{When I originally wrote this post, I included details of things that Holly shared with us, but as it is not my story nor did I have her permission to share it, I decided to delete it}
In telling us her story, Holly told me that there is an adoption themed baby book that I am determined to find! We were given a baby book for Little G, but I had to rewrite a few things to fit our situation. This adoption baby book sounds like it would be perfect! She also told us about a book called 'Love's Reflection' in which you as the adoptive parent are able to chronicle your thoughts and feelings about things-totally another book I'm going to look for.
After sharing adoptions stories, our conversation turned to infertility. We both agreed it's something you never plan for or anticipate and don't know how to deal with until you're thrown into the situation. I shared with her how shortly before Little G was to join our family, a friend (who also suffered from infertility) announced she was pregnant and I cried; I told her I couldn't help it-even though we were about to be blessed with the most beautiful gift, I couldn't help but cry for something I didn't have. But that's what infertility does to you. It reminds you of things you can't or won't ever have :( I then shared our IVF story with her and she couldn't believe it (some days, I still can't). She also said my friend that told us about the giveaway is totally the baby's God-Mother. And she is so right. I can never thank Erin enough for answering my prayer that day. Holly then told me, though she didn't know how expensive IVF was, she knew it wasn't an option for her. And surprisingly that was the first time I had heard someone in the infertility community say they weren't going to try IVF (most things you read say adoption isn't the answer for everyone), but her reasons for such are valid and are feelings that I had very early on in our marriage.
With IVF, the biggest concern for people tends to be the money (though that wasn't one of her reasons because she didn't know how much it cost), then it's the emotional toll of failed tries, the time that is committed to IVF (it really is a time commitment), deciding when enough is enough in attempts, still working on your marriage through all the heartache and disappointment. . .it's so much to take in and handle.
I know in the very beginning of everything it was really hard for me to fathom paying "x" amount of money for the
smallest possibility of becoming pregnant. It was something I couldn't agree with or accept. Yes, while we were dating it was so easy for me to say I'd be fine with that, but when you're actually IN the situation/moment and experiencing all these thoughts/feelings/emotions, reality sets in and you realize "No, I'm not okay with this." Nic would always try to turn my doubts into positive ones but it never worked. I think because I needed to fully accept our situation before I could come to terms with paying for a small piece of hope.
After sharing our stories, I wish I could truly describe to you the feeling that was in the room. There was just such a calm, peaceful, loving feeling in the room. It was truly heavenly. I don't know if I'll see Holly again, but after having this special experience with her, but it's definitely one that I will always treasure.
