Egg Retrieval-OUCH!

Me in the recovery room.  I was still a little out of it.

I woke up bright and early at 4:45am to get myself and G ready for us to head to ICRM for my egg retrieval.  My egg retrieval was scheduled for 7am, but I needed to be there at 6:30am for check-in.  Which meant we would need to drop G off at her birth cousin's house at 6am which meant we would need to leave our house at 5:30am to get everywhere on time.  Yes, very early morning.

Besides the staff, Nic and I were the only ones in the office.  I was the first retrieval scheduled for the day, so I was guaranteed to be pulled back on time-score!  At 6:50am Mo, the anesthesiologist, came out and had Nic and I kiss and say our (short) good-byes.  Then she pulled me back to get everything started, but not until she gave me a hug and asked how I was doing :) So sweet.  I really do love the staff at ICRM, they do their best to be so warm and welcoming and just make you feel special.

I was taken back to the operating room and got prepped and ready.  Mo and I were chitchatting about a few things and then last thing I remember is my knees going in the stirrups (so much more comfortable) and Dr. Slater coming into the room asking me if I was ready to get started.  The anesthesia they gave me was a gentle anesthesia where I was able to breathe on my own and not feel or remember anything.  I did wake up near the end of the procedure and felt some extreme discomfort as they were finishing up, but besides that everything went fairly well.  There was just one minor hiccup.

During the procedure it was discovered that my left ovary had somehow moved up and UNDER my uterus-clearly where it's NOT supposed to be.  This made retrieval on this side a little more difficult and a bummer (for me).  As you recall, I had 20 follicles that were ready for retrieval and the really good ones were on my left side.  Well, with my left ovary being under my uterus, Dr. Slater had to do what she could to make retrieval easier on that side; which meant that she had to push down on my ovary to move it.  In doing so, I lost at least 4 eggs, they were basically squished out and Dr. Slater saw them fall.  Since we know we had 20, she said the other four could have fallen out during the process (of moving my ovary) and she just didn't see them.  Ideally, Dr. Slater would have liked to retrieve at least 17 but she assured us that 12 is still a good number.  However, with only 12 being retrieved I'm not sure how many she is hoping will fertilize.  Since she was only able to retrieve 12 eggs, I am extremely grateful that I originally had 20 for retrieval.  If I would have had a lower number of eggs, and my ovary was still under my uterus, I could have possibly even had a lower total egg count, which would have decreased the chances for maturation.  Again, this isn't "scientifically" speaking, this is  "Elaine" speaking to give myself piece of mind :)

Since she had to push down on my ovaries a little more than usual, Dr. Slater said I will be tender and have more pain for a bit longer and she is right.  I wouldn't necessarily call it pain, but I am in extreme discomfort.  I have been confined to my bed (a day of bed rest that we had not anticipated) propped up with pillows and over-sized cushions, with instructions not to lay down until I go to bed tonight.  It is extremely hard to move and adjust my position.  Getting out of bed to use the restroom is extremely difficult and using the restroom is even more uncomfortable. It is also difficult for me to take nice, long, deep breaths because my body is so tender.  But I discovered if I get up and walk around a little bit (though it is a little difficult to get going), it helps with the discomfort.  I also do some small, gentle squats.  I don't know if I should, but it helps.

Now we wait.  This afternoon they injected Nic's sperm into my eggs.  And tomorrow we should get a call from the lab letting us know how the embryos are looking.  Dr. Slater mentioned a five day transfer (another $450-yikes!!), but we could still possibly do a three day transfer.  Fingers, toes, and eyes crossed for a three day transfer. We still don't know how many embryos will mature, but we are hoping for a high number.  Let the waiting and after retrieval to-do's begin.


In you are interested in more details about the retrieval, CLICK HERE for a description from the Pacific  Fertility Center in California.

IVF Rundown

A lot of you had asked questions about the process of IVF and I am always happy to answer them, but  I found a wonderful link that explains the process-in regular person talk and not "dr talk."

CLICK HERE to check it out.

Calm

Tomorrow is the big day.  I can't believe it's finally here.  In April, September seemed so far away and it's here, just one day away.

I had my "Instructions" appointment at ICRM today, where they gave me some to-do's prior to my extraction/retrieval tomorrow and some after to-do's.  I was excitedly greeted by Tami saying "We're here Elaine!  You've made it!" Though, it really has only been five months since we've won our grand-prize, truly it's been six years since the pains of infertility began to tear at me.  But Tami's statement was true: I have made it!

After my appointment Nic asked me how I was feeling and I really didn't have an answer for him.  Not to say that I felt numb, but I'm just calm.  I feel no anxieties. No worries. No stress.  Nothing.  Which is really surprising because I am such a little worry wart.  I think it's the prayers that have been offered by many of you, and to that I say "thank you". Prayers are a wonderful and powerful thing.  Prayers can help miracles happen.  I've seen it.  I know it. These feeling of peace or calm, to me, aren't a sign that things will work how Nic and I will want them too, but is reaffirms to us that no matter what happens, all will be well.  All will be right.

For Christmas Nic bought me a necklace from The R House Couture (there stuff is amazing and so powerful).  It says "Faith, Hope, Courage."  The designers of the necklace said it was for those going through breast cancer or for those that have survived, but Nic bought it for me because it said it is a symbol of everything that I have endured.  Faith has gotten me to where I am today, hope is what sustains me today and courage is what strengthens me for tomorrow.

Tomorrow is not just another day to us.  Tomorrow is the beginning of a new family adventure.

Ultrasound #1 and #2

This is not a picture of my follicles, but it gives you an idea as to what the ultrasound image looks like.

Yesterday I had my first ultrasound and it went really well.  If you remember from our first appointment with Dr. Slater, we were told that the ideal situation would be for me to have 25 eggs good enough for extraction, 16 of which would mature enough to be fertilized with Nic's sperm (via ICSI).  Of those 16, only five or six will be transferable.   As of yesterday I was sitting at a total of 24 follicles(immature eggs). 12 of these follicles were measuring above 12 mm (the minimum size), with the potential of six follicles to grow to at least 12.  We discussed the possibility of pushing up my extraction date to Sunday, but Kim (my nurse) wasn't sure if we were there just yet.

Today I returned for my second ultrasound and received even BETTER news.  I'm still sitting at 24 follicles, but I now have 17 follicles higher than 12mm (with a few measuring at or ove 20-really good number) and the potential of THREE more reaching the minimum size requirement.  So, there is potentially 20 out of 24 eggs that will be extracted!  Now, whether they mature enough once extracted is another thing all together, but my thought process is: if I have a higher count follicles to be extracted,  there is a chance I will have a higher number of those that mature enough.  My could be totally wrong in my thought process as there really is NO guarantee of anything, but thinking this way gives me hope.

With my new results, Kim definitely feels that my extraction date will be moved up to Sunday.  I was supposed to have another ultrasound/blood drawal tomorrow (Saturday), but now I will have an instructions class to get me ready for Sunday.  If my extraction date gets moved up, that means I will have to take a HCG trigger shot and another dosage of my Fostimon and Merional (which I am soooo over being on).  I'll get a call later this afternoon which will give me further instruction-I feel like I'm awaiting instructions for a secret mission. . .haha.

Ready or not, here Sunday comes!!

POST-EDIT: I just received my secret mission call from ICRM and extraction is still planned for Monday.  My hormones level are REALLY good, but Dr. Slater wants to still proceed as originally planned.  Instead of an instruction class tomorrow I will have another ultrasound.  Hopefully, even more follicles have grown :)

Bruises, Bloating, and swelling-oh my!

(TMI WARNING!!!!! TMI WARNING!!!!)

Taking Lupron really wasn't that bad.  I mean, it made me a little crazy, but I felt that I could still function.  But the Fostimon and Merional combo is a completely different story. Not only have I been bruised-which I realize is more so from being injected, but I have been super sore, bloated & swollen, and tired.

Along my injections sites have been super tender.  I have to be mindful of where my pants sit, because if the pressure is along my sites, I am in complete discomfort. I made the mistake of putting on a belt shortly after Nic had given me my injections for the day, and boy did I pay for it.  I was MISERABLE! I have resorted to wearing scrubs, yoga pants, or sweat pants whenever possible.  COMFORT has been my key word of the day for the last week. Not only is it sore along my injection sites, but just my stomach in general. I told Nic the other day that it feels like my stomach is being pushed out and then stretched vertically.  No bueno.  I also have to be careful going over speed bumps. I made the mistake of not slowing down enough to go over a speed bump and it hurt so bad I had to laugh.  It hurt my stomach, my injection sites (which are in my stomach) and my boobs.

Yes, my boobs.  Another blessing and curse that we as women have been given.  I could always tell when my cycle was getting ready to start because my boobs would get a little tender, but this is a complete different ball game.  I stand up-they hurt.  I sit down-they hurt.  They hurt when I sleep on my side and they make me want to scream bloody murder when G decides to jump knees first into them.  Truth be told, if I could go bra-less, I totally would. 

Another thing, I'm super tired!  All I want to do is just sleep.  Thursdays-Saturdays are my busy days at work.  The first day I started Fostimon and Merional was a Thursday and that was a TOUGH day to get through.  I started out at my office with two appointments and then two more at the spa.  I was super tired by the time I got to the spa.  All I wanted to do was a take a nap!  Usually I can do five to six massages a day and still feel good, but now after two, sometimes just one, I am beat!  I put G down for a nap, I take a nap.  When I come home from work, I want to take a nap.  Often times if I sit down on the couch, I doze off; as soon as my head hits the pillow for the night I am out!

Nic has been a trooper and stepping up and helping (even more than he did before).  I am so lucky to have him as my other half.  Not only is he a great daddy, but he's a wonderful hubby as well.  G and I are so lucky to have him be a part of our lives.

Soon enough I'll be off the meds only to have my body become bloated and swelling for other reasons. Oh the joys of trying to be fertile :)

  

"We're not the exception, we're the rule."

The above clip is from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You."  I think it's totally funny, and at times, I feel quite embarrassed for GiGi (the main character), and I can relate to some of the things she went through.  Sigh.  So glad I don't have to go through that awkwardness anymore.

If you haven't seen the movie, GiGi meets a guy who tells her the rule of dating and she shares it with her friends (the video above), and after some thinking there's is definitely an "exception" and "rule" in the adoption/infertility community.

Four years ago when Nic and I were starting the adoption process, people were very excited for us, but they also had a story to share.  "My brother and his wife adopted and then a year later she was pregnant" or "So and so were adopting and they found out they were pregnant and now their two children are just a a couple of months" or the one I recently saw on my friends FB page "a friend of ours 'couldn't' have babies either so her sister offered to carry their baby, it took and they were thrilled to finally be pregnant. . .six weeks later they find out she is pregnant! it was remarkable and to make it even crazier the day her sister went into labor she did too from the excitement so both babies same parents. . .two different wombs born the same day!" While these stories are great and wonderful.  They are the exception.  The rule would be be just because you adopt, or because you have a gestational carrier, or because you simply "stop stressing about it" does not mean you will become pregnant. The rule would be, it will happen when it's supposed to happen; and say what you want about "destiny", but I'm a firm believer that there is purpose in everything and things happen when they're supposed to happen.

People will still share their stories of their friend, and they're brother's wife's cousin, and whoever else in hopes of giving people hope, but I think sometimes it can create false hope-especially, if people have not found peace in their trial.  Yes, infertility and adoption are filled with so many ups and downs and the pains of loss come and go, but I really feel that if you're not at peace with the trial that is before you and your husband, you grasp at straws to find as much hope in the possibility as possible.  When someone, out of caring, shares these "exception" stories, it can make one think "it might happen. It just might happen," when truth be told it just might` NOT happen; which in turn leads to heart break.  I don't say that to burst anyone's bubble or to be a "Negative Nancy," I say it to be honest.  People who tell these stories, their intentions are good, but sometimes it does more harm than good.

When people would share their "exception" stories with me, I would just smile and nod and in the back of my mind think: Really dude?  I'm glad you're sharing, but the the likelihood that would really happen is pretty slim. Nic and I, we're the rule, and we're okay with that. We did not adopt in hopes of becoming pregnant. When we started the process of growing our family, we felt we needed to explore both IVF and adoption (at the same time).  A few months later, we felt adoption was how we needed to grow our family.  It took us three years to find our sweet birth mom and have G join our family. Adoption wasn't a "solution" to a problem.  Adoption wasn't a pit stop on our way to IVF.  Adoption was divinely guided into our lives (those who know our WHOLE story, know this.  For those who don't know, I will share later). We never once stopped thinking about becoming pregnant; even if the thought of pregnancy was just subconsciously there-it was still there.  And though we did hope that we would have children earlier in our marriage, we are so grateful for our sweet baby G and our other children that are yet to be.  We are grateful for the Lord's timing in things-though, truth be told his timing of IVF still has me scratching my head. . .haha.

In just seven days, our lives will begin a journey that can potentially change our family's life. SEVEN days-wow!

Round 2

Yes, this is a picture of my fat roll while Nic gives me one of my injections. Pardon the excess of skin (and groceries on the floor).

Today I started round two of my injections: Fostimon and Merional and Jana was right-I can definitely feel these injections more.  Ouch!

We didn't think I would be able to start this round of injections because good ol' mother nature hadn't come to visit me, but they checked my estradiol and we were given the all clear to go ahead and start.  Nic gets to play mad scientist with this round of meds, as he is having to measure and mix a lot of different medications. I tried not to hover the first day, but it was really hard not too.  I knew he would get it right, but the worrier in me wanted to be sure; especially since we decided to not have our second injection class, as Jana went over this procedure and dosage at our first class.

For the most part, I feel I've been doing good with the meds.  I do have bouts of dizziness and nausea, so I just have to make sure I have something in my stomach-which means I'm eating about every two hours.  I try to make whatever I eat healthy, but sometimes it's really hard when your body is craving salt (sunflower seeds) or sugar (soda or cookies).  The other day I had a craving for a BLT with avocado, but my favorite restaurant next to the spa was closed-bummer :(. But on the flipside, if I eat something that I thought I wanted, and it doesn't sit right with me-I get sick too (today it was a grilled cheese sandwich). I guess kudos to me because I've lost 5 pounds since I've started the meds, though not the way I would have liked. . .haha. I did one have bad episode with the Lupron last week and it was horrible!

They call it "loopy Lupron" for a reason, because let me tell you I was a total mess, my emotions and thoughts were all over the place.  I spent a good portion of the day just crying.  And it wasn't just small little tears, but the big blubbery crying tears.  I would be sweeping and just start crying.  Doing laundry and I would cry.  Feeding G and I would cry.  That time I felt really bad for crying, which made me cry even more.  Luckily, my sweet little girl took a look at her mommy and came over and gave me a hug.  So tender.  When Nic came home from work, I told him that I just needed to take a break.  Took a hot shower (and yes, I cried some more) and then took a nap.  After my nap, I felt a little more rejuvenated just really drained.

Going through this process of things has been filled with ups and downs.  Luckily, Nic tries to be as understanding as possible.  I know it's hard for him to see my emotions all over the place, but he does whatever he can to make sure I'm okay.  He takes such good care of me that sometimes I need to remember he has needs too.  I'm not the only one going through the IVF.  Yes, I'm getting all the procedures done, but it's an emotional journey as well.  And Nic is there every step of the way.

Next week will be filled with blood tests and ultrasounds (practically every day) to make sure my body is ready for my first procedure-egg retrieval.  Wow!  It will be here before we know it.